Excursus

I’m a hot mess,

on fire with conflict,

babbling on coals,

yet I can’t touch a damned thing!

like a ghost,

standing on an uncanny plane,

can you explain?

why it all scares the crap out of me!

an apparition wearing roller blades,

barely making the corner,

bumping into the barrier,

found out I was not in reach,

separate as the world,

causal, casual, or caustic?

questions spilling out, out, out!

exposition’s plight,

maybe I care too much,

each word doesn’t weigh the same,

out of focus,

I’m trying to be kind,

and not stab at thee!

punch your ticket early,

a last reserve,

folding my hands,

whisper a prayer,

on bended knee.

 

 

 

I Never Meant To Lie, I Was Just Being Myself

“If you love life, don’t waste time, for time is what life is made up of.” – Bruce Lee

Everything is driving me crazy, stressing me to point that I can’t focus. Can’t focus on jack…

Even with: writing prompts, ample time and space, the blues in my soul, the intellectual tools, the veritable toolbox…not enough.

Most importantly, a good friend’s encouragement. I never meant to lie…but in succumbing, I did in a way.

In fact, I thwarted the latest in tension headaches. My worry isn’t like those other times when I was monetarily challenged. It’s different this time.

Because I know my whole life is at stake.

Whatever direction I decide to take will count.

For once, I am not making scenarios bigger than they are.

Between God and myself, I have been through the ringer and I didn’t come out the other side without scars. I also don’t forgive easily especially myself.

I have always had multiple choices in how I want to lead my life. The difficulty was always in the choice itself. I could survive, get by on innate skill and resourceful. But I don’t want to simply survive anymore…

When I write, there is a release, a cathartic one. It does help. However, the satisfaction of a well-lived life eludes me. I tire of settling for table scraps, not making a decision.

The tension is palpable.

Lord, help me.

Help me take the right road.

Bye for now, KS.