“God doesn’t require us to succeed; he only requires that you try.” -Mother Teresa of Calcutta
God knows how many times I’ve tried…but that’s the crux of it, only God knows. Because of this partition, I feel like only a few can see or acknowledge who I really am. The blood, sweat, and tears…
If you’re in the majority, you would think I have been some aimless wonder. An oxymoron which stands as inaccurate as my perceived fear of life itself. If you only knew what excrement I’ve climbed through in thirty-three years. No fear here; I have just become to use to surviving. Surviving is not enough…
So now…I relocate to the other side of the state and make the best out of the closest thing I’ve had to a fresh start. Honestly, I’m scared shitless.
But I don’t have time to be.
I simply don’t have time.
Fortunately, the job front has produced a few viable gems. Nothing to scream about, but it is a start.
Also, the major con of such an enterprise is not knowing anyone nor being in familiar settings. Local geography was an appreciated advantage; conversely, I think some of my friendships have suffered in the last half decade.
Not because the quality of people had declined but because my inner walls wore thin. The walls I built to keep suppressed negativity and emotional wounding to myself. Some allies endured more; ones who reminded me of those wary parts. One day, I hope all is forgiven.
Ultimately, this isn’t an experiment in futility. And yes, there is a freedom in not having to prove that to anyone. The simple things have evaded my grasp for much too long.
I am alone.
I am unaccomplished.
and I no longer settle for this.
Bye for now, KS.