I Never Meant To Lie, I Was Just Being Myself

“If you love life, don’t waste time, for time is what life is made up of.” – Bruce Lee

Everything is driving me crazy, stressing me to point that I can’t focus. Can’t focus on jack…

Even with: writing prompts, ample time and space, the blues in my soul, the intellectual tools, the veritable toolbox…not enough.

Most importantly, a good friend’s encouragement. I never meant to lie…but in succumbing, I did in a way.

In fact, I thwarted the latest in tension headaches. My worry isn’t like those other times when I was monetarily challenged. It’s different this time.

Because I know my whole life is at stake.

Whatever direction I decide to take will count.

For once, I am not making scenarios bigger than they are.

Between God and myself, I have been through the ringer and I didn’t come out the other side without scars. I also don’t forgive easily especially myself.

I have always had multiple choices in how I want to lead my life. The difficulty was always in the choice itself. I could survive, get by on innate skill and resourceful. But I don’t want to simply survive anymore…

When I write, there is a release, a cathartic one. It does help. However, the satisfaction of a well-lived life eludes me. I tire of settling for table scraps, not making a decision.

The tension is palpable.

Lord, help me.

Help me take the right road.

Bye for now, KS.


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