Upon Reflection

“If you look for the light, you can often find it… but if you look for the dark, that is all you will ever see,” – Uncle Iroh, Avatar the Last Airbender 

I am at a crossroads. I have been here for some time, contemplating a way to bypass the fork (in the road). After all this time, I came to a conclusion: there is no (other) way. And I must make a choice…

Heading into my mid-thirties, I am starting to learn who I am, what truly matters to me, and how to make it work. Also, I have to declare that since leaving my twenties, it has been the most challenging point of my life. Homelessness, poverty, petty crime, abject failure

Homelessness, poverty, petty crime, abject failure, becoming the villain, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera…

My sister would say I’m being dramatic. Maybe that’s true but damn, something’s got to give. I’ll be damned if it’s me.

My fear of the “road less travelled” has taken me in a direction I didn’t foresee. One in which the people I care about are growing up and seemingly, leaving me behind. Correction: I’ve stayed behind.

Correction: I’ve stayed behind.

In moments of pure conceit, I thought the five years were a punishment for what villainy I did or would commit. However, the real sentence was standing still. I speak about moving on, but it doesn’t mean I know how to do it.

Gaining my independence has taught me some valuable lesson; things I don’t think would have materialised any other way.

It’s funny how out of the darkness, people can also see the light. Note that I said people…

The issue has always been, much to my chagrin, what I am not seeing. Qualities in myself that are visible yet are rendered invisible to me. My intellect brings this forth when my heart fails to and it’s pinging. 

Inaudible but screaming at me, to change; I acknowledge what is rising throughout my being.

Upon reflection, it is all simply words until you do something about it, take action and never look back.

*sigh*

Deep breaths now.

Bye for now, KS

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