“Some things you know all your life. They are so simple and true; they must be said without elegance, meter and rhyme…they must be naked and alone; they must stand for themselves.” – Philip Levine
As the NFC and AFC Championship games play on, I can only think of the next six weeks. They may be the most pivotal of my entire life. Though I have a great tendency to exaggerate, there is none here.
I will have to move soon and while I won’t miss this apartment, I will miss the memories created here. My sister and I became so much closer to each other: real best friends. Also, especially in 2014, I grew into my adult self.
I understand what it means to be an adult and make adult decisions. It’s not like I hadn’t made any; it is simply that I didn’t recognize their impact.
Guilt clouded every decider in the past three years; now, I can actually start to forgive myself. I know I am a sinner, a malcontent, and a liar. I have also had a tough go at it (life).
Not that you haven’t…
All and all, I learned how responsible adults conduct their lives. They have difficult choices to face and make their best solutions count while taking lumps in stride. They move forward [as time does].
Anyway, I can only ask the Almighty for a major assist in this one.
Risk, redemption, reward.
All I vie for.
To make myself and redeem other’s faith.
Bye for now, KS.
“I am now 33 years old, and it feels like much time has passed and is passing faster and faster every day. Day-to-day I have to make all sorts of choices about what is good and important and fun, and then I have to live with the forfeiture of all the other options those choices foreclose. And I’m starting to see how as time gains momentum my choices will narrow and their foreclosures multiply exponentially until I arrive at some point on some branch of all life’s sumptuous branching complexity at which I am finally locked in and stuck on one path and time speeds me through stages of stasis and atrophy and decay until I go down for the third time, all struggle for naught, drowned by time. It is dreadful. But since it’s my own choices that’ll lock me in, it seems unavoidable–if I want to be any kind of grown up, I have to make choices and regret foreclosures and try to live with them.” ― David Foster Wallace
Ever since that day passed,
I promised myself that I’d never cry,
But even while I hoarded up the pain,
there was something I
couldn’t forgive myself for,
I’ll never be able to return those days,
I’m still powerless,
I watch as the shards of memories disappear one by one
Memories of when you were still with me.
I long to become, stronger than I am now,
so that my voice will eventually reach you.
If the wind happens to stop in the midst of my long journey,
I’ll look up at the sky in search of you.
Beyond the daybreak,
a ray of light breaks free.
A rainbow spans across the sky…