Twenty Fourteen

“This is a sanctuary to drop all the hard feelings and to get relieved. I feel that I’m living on this, I’m dying on this, I have a reason to live just as other people do. I began to love myself more than I have ever done before. That is the most important feeling I have ever had. Love yourself for the very first time, then you will feel how much you can love the whole world in front of you.” – Nishi De Silva

Inner peace is a very hard thing to come by if, IF…you don’t give yourself the chance to have it. I’m speaking from personal experience. There are certain people, certain events, certain titles that I thought were important. I was incorrect…because all of those “certains” have departed and I’m still here.

Also I’ve realized the goals that were full of holes and cast them away. You see I have a difficult time letting go of the past, so much so, that it impairs my timeline, where I am in it. 2014 just caught up with me.

Now it is about settling on what that means, what 2014 is going to be, and how it will impact a future.

Nowadays, I’m so tired.

What spurred on this thought process: The other day I went shopping for a few choice items and I almost bump into a girl, a woman to be precise. Her reaction was one of attraction, a “he’s cute” sort of stare and quick-so-you-don’t-notice smile. Mine was similar. We walked past each other and went our separate ways. But it lit me up a little…

That was nice.

In fact, it wasn’t the first encounter. Two weeks, I went to the doctor (for a really virulent, nasty strain of pink eye) and she was the assistant there. We had a pleasant banter about being the same age and laughing very naturally the whole time. She has a child but that wasn’t a surprise or a negative.

Anyway, it helped me take stock of my accounts. I’m thirty-two and not anywhere in the vicinity of where I want to be. 2008 was the last year I actually felt good about myself, the direction I was charging towards. Six years are over half a decade…and Rip Van Winkle isn’t someone I want to impersonate any longer.

Everyone else moved on. It’s time I do so too.

Bye for now, KS.

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