What I Think Now

“I think failure is nothing more than life’s way of nudging you that you are off course. My attitude to failure is not attached to outcome, but in not trying. It is liberating. Most people attach failure to something not working out or how people perceive you. This way, it is about answering to yourself.” – Sara Blakely

I think…it has been a long time.

I realize how cryptic that sentence is but it really been a great deal of time since I’ve planted my feet and striven for something; something I wanted so bad I could taste it. Hell you could taste it…(not that you’d want to. Too much I know…)

So in the midst of failure, which I’ve blogged semi-regularly about, I’ve dragged along like an Albatross. Also validating my reclusive living habits and rejection of some social or recreational activities. A number of my family and friends have moved into success, whether it was academics, the military, or meeting the right person. I applaud them all and I’ve grown to a place where I don’t envy them, not one bit. Recently, my wise, younger sister suggested that I change my attitude; pessimistic and cynical to one of optimism and hope. Easier said than done; however it helped that I did think this way in the past. Not like a bike, more like a car…

At thirty-two, this is the part where I finally “answer to myself”, as Blakely states above. How I have lived my life, namely in the last seven months, points this out to me. I work in a backroom of a grocery store. While I not necessarily demeaning the job, it is not what I want to do nor is it what my skill set indicates. The latter has not been nurtured…and it is starting to wear me down.

To be honest, I have no plan or at least one that is divergent from those once implemented. They all failed for one reason or another. School, work, moving away, seem like shadows, intangible and unattainable. The light source so distant.

In summation, I’ll put my head towards the ground and get to work, whatever that means. I’ll pray, exercise, and try to make a change. Even though I am not sure how, failure will not be a weight on my chest any more.

Bye for now, KS.

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