A Holding Pattern

“To have no heroes is to have no aspiration, to live on the momentum of the past, to be thrown back upon routine, sensuality, and the narrow self.” – Charles Horton Cooley

I’ve been trying to write this for a while. Many days ago, I caught pink eye, was subject to an audit by my supervisor, and realized slow the train of my life had been travelling. Maybe I contemplate things way too heavily and this whole entry may be an exaggeration, but it feels as though some moves have to be made.

That said, school (or going back) has floated in my periphery lately. Two years and I’m not sure what I want to do with my life. I would never admit such a thing to anyone: I did what others wanted me to do; I rarely established my own. truly personal goals. Granted, I found enough satisfaction to sate outside expectations. I wasn’t lazy, simply poor and fearful that wouldn’t make the right choices. A self-fulfilling prophecy if there ever was one…

Due to my adaptability and willingness to compromise, I only notice a need for change at moments of great stress, trepidation, or calamity. So even as I daddle, people (or my co workers in this case) remind me of better days. Ones where I could be a help. The list of activities I don’t do has grown, perhaps to provide room for new.

Perhaps.

Bye for now, KS.

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