No Such Thing As Retropay (In Life)

“Life only gives you so many moments, make what you do with those moments your choice, and not someone else’s. Otherwise, someday you’ll look back upon your life and realize it wasn’t yours at all.” – B.J. Morin

I think too much. I may have stated this before but a constant speed bump… especially lately.

My job is working out and the bills are getting paid. Earlier in my life, that would have sufficed as “enough” because that sort of stability was foreign. Now, it is about those things I’ve perhaps ignored. Possibly what some take for granted…

I shouldn’t be so consumed by missteps that I don’t move forward. However, everyone makes mistakes. I can acknowledge this truth. There are simply times where I’ve confused opportunity with some secret to other people’s success. I’ve been told certain events are about timing. I don’t know…and I don’t like not knowing.

Being a human, this is something I can’t help, none of us can really, but I take stock in learning. Learning is paramount. In error, I always there was some answer floating in the ether, one which I didn’t perceive.  Slowly I’m realizing the fallacy of such logic, a falsehood manufactured to protect myself.

Without going into too much detail, interpersonal relationships outside of my friend zone are sparse. I can improve. I need a spark, an idea, some intangible to get things going.

Tonight, I’ll pray for strength, certainty, and courage. It is evident that I will need all three to more than forge ahead; progress should not simply be in my periphery; it should exist inside me, lighting the hearth.

Live for yourself.

Bye for now, KS.

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