Knock on Wood

“The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved — loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves.” – Victor Hugo

Knock on wood like the old folks used to say…I’ve been working myself into a walking coma. There were minor mistakes made in passing, forgotten assignment among them. Lately, the job has smoothed itself out and I finally feel like I’m cog. However, what looms (and what’s missing) has been on my mind.

Months ago, I decided to shelve my former philosophy; I was a dedicated liar and highly self-destructive; I tore my mundane life apart more than once. It fractured everything I held dear and I hit a point where the dark days had to end. So I promised myself that I would adopt a new way of living; one which is built on truth, my strongest relationships, pragmatism, communication, and helping those who help me. Granted, I can’t wash away the proverbial stains but I can protect myself from getting any dirtier.

That said, moving into the future poses a lot of questions. Yes, I’m working and am successful at my occupation but is that all I want for myself? Will I ever meet the “right” woman…or am I “destined” to be alone? Have I truly prepared myself for the future or do I need to shake things up in order to do so? Obviously, I’m not so sure.

Lastly, marriage and children hang over my head and have since my twenties. Despite my age, I’m in no hurry. Don’t get me wrong…I like children. In fact, they like me. They really like me. But similar to other cues, my opportunity per se will arrive in a time unique to me. Teaching the little ones was hard enough…

Knock on wood. I am fortunate to have who and what I have; friends, family, job, and ability. Optimistically, scenarios will be encouraging and force a positive change. Change can be advantageous.

Bye for now, KS.

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