Go Back? – Bilbo Baggins

“Go back?” he thought. “No good at all! Go sideways? Impossible! Go forward? Only thing to do! On we go!” So up he got, and trotted along with his little sword held in front of him and one hand feeling the wall, and his heart all of a patter and a pitter.” ―Bilbo Baggins, The Hobbit

The Science of Stop

“At the end of the day, let there be no excuses, no explanations, no regrets.” ― Steve Maraboli

“Sometimes life knocks you on your ass… get up, get up, get up!!! Happiness is not the absence of problems, it’s the ability to deal with them.” ― Steve Maraboli

I do not play chess, teach English, or run my own classroom but it doesn’t mean the fire once nestled in my belly cannot be reignited.

I think.

I think.

And I think…

this may be God’s mission for me.

The personal one.

The one which takes courage and reminds me that I still have such a strength, a virtue.

I have all but given up on alternatives other than the status quo.

Everything else, for too long, has bared the weight of disappointment (of bygone years).

I am tired of regret and I choose to be done with it, once and for all.

Each book I complete stirs a nostalgia, a knowledge which hasn’t been dusted off in decades.

Each poem I write pushes me closer to the belief end of the scale.

Each dream I’ve had about creating something may no longer go for naught.

Today is Sunday and I will embrace it as a new day.

It’s a chance to make my world better. Some don’t even have that chance…

Bye for now, KS.

Upon Reflection

“If you look for the light, you can often find it… but if you look for the dark, that is all you will ever see,” – Uncle Iroh, Avatar the Last Airbender 

I am at a crossroads. I have been here for some time, contemplating a way to bypass the fork (in the road). After all this time, I came to a conclusion: there is no (other) way. And I must make a choice…

Heading into my mid-thirties, I am starting to learn who I am, what truly matters to me, and how to make it work. Also, I have to declare that since leaving my twenties, it has been the most challenging point of my life. Homelessness, poverty, petty crime, abject failure

Homelessness, poverty, petty crime, abject failure, becoming the villain, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera…

My sister would say I’m being dramatic. Maybe that’s true but damn, something’s got to give. I’ll be damned if it’s me.

My fear of the “road less travelled” has taken me in a direction I didn’t foresee. One in which the people I care about are growing up and seemingly, leaving me behind. Correction: I’ve stayed behind.

Correction: I’ve stayed behind.

In moments of pure conceit, I thought the five years were a punishment for what villainy I did or would commit. However, the real sentence was standing still. I speak about moving on, but it doesn’t mean I know how to do it.

Gaining my independence has taught me some valuable lesson; things I don’t think would have materialised any other way.

It’s funny how out of the darkness, people can also see the light. Note that I said people…

The issue has always been, much to my chagrin, what I am not seeing. Qualities in myself that are visible yet are rendered invisible to me. My intellect brings this forth when my heart fails to and it’s pinging. 

Inaudible but screaming at me, to change; I acknowledge what is rising throughout my being.

Upon reflection, it is all simply words until you do something about it, take action and never look back.

*sigh*

Deep breaths now.

Bye for now, KS

I’m Still Here

I’m still…

on the path,

dusty with broken branches,

ghostly echoes,

sinking mudholes,

tenuous terrain,

unleashed Earth!

here in one piece,

a single shape,

pressed together,

by deity’s spoken word,

atoms molded into man,

dark matter in the cracks,

where the hurt is,

volumes and chapters,

I am,

still,

here,

within simile,

like metaphor,

an island among continents,

everyone wants me to stay,

stay lost in myself,

what the reflection says,

that…

I’m still here!